


If I Had A Heart

by Shianhygge



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Loss of loved one, Spoilers for Forsaken DLC, Uldren is an A-hole, Vault of Glass, Wanna punch him in the Wazzoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 22:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15850419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shianhygge/pseuds/Shianhygge
Summary: He's been there for you the entire time. And now that he's gone, how do you move on?Set during Destiny 2 Forsaken DLC.





	If I Had A Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Okay. It’s official… I was in denial, but now I’m a sad bean. I’m a sad sad bean, who only played Destiny for Cayde-6… And now he’s getting killed off… And imma punch Uldren in the fucking dick.
> 
> PSPlus Also has Destiny 2 for free from August 29 to September 27(?), 2018 obviously, so I guess I really am punching Uldren in the dick when Forsaken comes out.

“Y/N, I think it would be best for you if you went in and saw him.” Tobi, your Ghost, advised, his optics flickering in worry. “We both know that you’re taking his death just as badly.”

You didn’t enter the chamber when Noble brought his body back. You didn’t enter when everyone walked in to pay their respects. Try as you might, you couldn’t bring yourself to walk into that cold room. Not if it meant that you would never hear his wise-cracks ever again. The warmth was gone, and while you still had your Light, all you could feel was the cold.

“I don’t know what I’d do, Tobi.” You confessed, voice sounding especially hollow through your helmet. “He was so full of life… and… I’m scared.”

If Tobi noticed your voice crack at the end of the sentence, he didn’t mention it. Instead, your beloved companion’s optics shimmered briefly before a familiar voice filled the silence.

**“ _Tobi! Is Y/N hiding in her ship again?”_**

**_“Yes. Just like yesterday… and the day before that.”_ **

**_“… She’s still not feeling like herself?”_ **

**_“After returning from the Vault, she’s been… moping.”_ **

You could hear his heavy sigh through the recording before the sounds of thumping on metal filled the silent room. This was familiar to you, and you could remember what happened that day like it was just yesterday.

 

**> >>>> Three years prior**

 

_Thump THump THUMP_

You didn’t pay any attention to the abuse thrown at your ship as you sat in the pilot’s seat, mulling over the events of a few days ago. A few days ago, you’d returned with your firefight team from the Vault of Glass. You didn’t think that you were ready, having been revived by Tobi a mere two months prior. And you were right.

Most of the members of your team were proficient or had even mastered their chosen subclass before the raid. But you hadn’t even chosen yours yet. Sure, you were a goddamn crack-shot, naturally talented at landing a fatal hit, which is why you became a Hunter. But it was still difficult for you to grasp the fact that you were a soldier now… that you had to kill.

Like most Guardians, you were chosen by the Traveler, and resurrected by your Ghost, but you were lucky enough to have retained some things from your previous life. You’d remembered your name, that you had loving parents and siblings, and that you worked a desk job for the most part.

It was understandable that you found it difficult to pull the trigger or throw the knife.

So when it came time for Noble to assemble a team, you’d balked at the fact that he wanted to take you, Cayde-6’s rookie Hunter. Noble had said that he’d been impressed with your ability to land a headshot without a sniper rifle from a hundred feet away, and that he wanted you to be his team’s sniper for the raid. For nearly a week, you’d declined Noble’s attempts at recruiting you.

_I’m just a rookie._

_Noble, sir, my skills can easily be outclassed by a more experienced Hunter._

_I’ll just be a liability, Noble._

_With alll due respect, Noble, but Jazz would be a better pick. He’s pretty much mastered Arcstrider._

But no matter what you said, Noble would come right back and ask again. After a week, Noble had managed to rope Cayde-6 into recruiting you, having heard that you had a soft spot for the Hunter Vanguard.

_“It’ll be great experience for you, Rook.” Cayde-6 attempted to coax, walking alongside you as you stalked out of Command. “You’ll get to kick some Vex ass on Venus, work with an experienced team. Blah, blach, blah… But most importantly, there might be some really good loot… of the legendary kind.”_

Honestly, Cayde had you when he’d said “loot.”

A day later, you were introduced to Firefight Team Noble, a firefight team known for taking risks in the face of the enemy.

Noble-6 was the team’s Exo Titan Sentinal. He was well-liked and respected on the team, and his tenacity earned him favor with the Vanguard. As a result of his abilities and experience in the field, Noble was considered the fireteam’s Captain.

Darcy was the team’s Human Titan Defender. She was stubborn by highly strategic and loyal, making her one of the best to act as part of the team’s defense.

Noel was the Awoken Warlock Voidwalker. He was one of the silent and observant types, often listening rather than talking. At first, he intimidated you, but he’s really just socially awkward.

Isa-4 was the Exo Warlock Dawnblade. She acted more like a Hunter than a Warlock most days, never holding back from teasing the members of the team, but she has her moments where Noel might get caught up in her games.

Mochi was the Awoken Hunter Nightstalker. Her real name wasn’t “Mochi,” but she insisted that the team call her that anyways. She was always smirking or smiling, and while she had no problems following orders, she was known for going invisible just to wreck havoc on enemies.

Compared to the rest of the team, you felt that you lacked a lot. You were a rookie Hunter with no grasp over your Arcstrider subclass and always seemed to hesitate when taking the enemy down.

Yet still, the team welcomed you with open arms, asking you to join them during training or minor missions. And when it came time to raid the Vault of Glass, you’d felt better, confident, even. But then you hesitated in taking a Vex Praetorian down, and it managed to get a good hit on Isa, who was too busy picking up Mochi and shooting at other enemies to notice.

The mission, after that, was rocky at best. Isa couldn’t use Dawnblade without noticeable pains, so the team had to concentrate on covering for Isa as well as you. The Gatekeeper had given everyone a run for their money, and you were all exhausted by the time it came to take on Atheon. Cayde had been right, the loot was extraordinary, but was it worth nearly the entire Noble Team coming back severely injured? In your opinion, no.

Nobody blamed you for what happened in the Vault, and Isa even made a joke that she couldn’t have cared less if her arm was blown off (“we can just find a replacement” she’d joked). Still, you didn’t feel any better. Because the team had focused so much on helping you, the Rookie, out, you’d only come back with a few scrapes and bruises.

And that was why you were sulking in your ship. The team was still injured, but they already made plans to take you on as a permanent member of Noble Team. But you found that the mere thought of running another raid with such a kind and accepting group… it was scaring you to Hell of the possibilities of you fucking up. That if the enemies were stronger next time, would any of you be able to come back if you hesitated.

“Hey, Y/N? Open up!” you could hear your Hunter Vanguard through the cockpit windows, but you didn’t really want to look at him. One glance from those bright blue eyes of his, and you’d give in to whatever he wanted. “Helloooo. Rook? C’mon you goin’ to leave a guy hanging like this?”

When your cheeks twitched in an effort to not laugh, Cayde took it as a sign to continue his theatrics. “I’m getting funny looks out here, Rook. They’re looking at me as if I’m a cheating boyfriend… you think I should play it up? OH PLEASE, Y/N! IT WAS ONLY A KISS! I DIDN’T MEAN FOR IT TO HAP-oh hey, Zavala.”

“Cayde, what are you doing? I’ve received several complaints that you’ve been loitering.” The deep rumble that was the TItan Vanguard’s voice caught you off guard.

“I… ugh… was talking to one of my Hunters.” It seemed even Cayde-6 could get embarrassed.

“By screaming at their ship?”

There was a slight tap on the ship’s cockpit, and you could barely make out Cayde’s whispers, “A little help, here, Rook? Have pity on your mentor?”

With a sigh, you turned to give him an unimpressed look, only to get caught in his blue eyes, pleading playfully. And before you knew it, you’d popped the cockpit open and poked your head out to greet the Titan Vanguard, “Sorry about all the noise, Commander. Cayde’s been trying to cheer me up.”

The Awoken Titan Vanguard peered at you for a brief moment, and after noticing the circles under your eyes, nodded, “Are you feeling well, Guardian? I realize that your raid with Noble Team didn’t proceed as planned, but rest assured that nobody blames you.”

A gentle smile graced your lips for a moment as you stared down at the Commander, “I appreciate the concern, Commander, but this is something I have to work through with time.”

Zavala sent a nod at you before walking away, “Make sure you’re back at Command soon, Cayde. You still have work to do.”

The two of you watched Zavala walk off before Cayde broke the silence, “So you opened the door for Zavala, but not for me? I see where your loyalties lie.” You stiffled the laugh at Cayde’s antics, and sobered up when he started talking again, leaning against the side of your ship. “So, Tobi told me that you’re still moping over what happened. Tell me about it.”

You’d known that Cayde was aware of your obvious affections towards him, and he wasn’t afraid to take advantage of it if it meant helping you. “I’m scared, Cayde.”

“And why are you scared? It’s not just about not pulling the trigger, right?”

“I’m scared that one day, I’ll lose someone that I truly care about, and it might send me over the edge. My hesitation is a sign that I still have a conscious towards my actions. But if I go over the edge… pulling the trigger won’t become a problem.”

“And why are you scared of that?”

“Because, Cayde,” with this you’d looked directly into his blue eyes. “I’m afraid that when that time comes, I won’t know which side of the line I’ll belong on.”

“… Then I’ll make sure you always have a way to tell.”

“And how’s that?”

“With this.” At this, Cayde leaned forward and pressed his mouth to your lips before pulling back and throwing something over your head, “And this.”

When you’d finally gotten the new Hunter’s cloak off your head, the Hunter Vanguard had disappeared. Staring at the cloak, with a bright blush on your face, you felt like you could tell what Cayde wanted to say.

_So long as you have people like me, people who love you, who support you, you’ll never have to question which side you’re on._

 

**> >>>>> Present Day**

 

Sniffling, you found that you’d unconsciously walked into the metal room. That you were now standing over Cayde’s lifeless body, the sheet pulled down to show what remained of his face. The tears wouldn’t stop flowing down your face, even as you furiously wiped at them. You wanted to glare at your Ghost for making you remember Cayde’s words, but the tears made it look too sorrowful to intimidate, “Traveler, I hate you sometimes, Tobi. Why did you have to play his voice?”

“To remind you. And to keep my promise to him to never let you fall into Darkness.”

A sob ran through your entire body as you let out an wet laugh, “H-he’s still looking out for me even in death, huh?”

You were greeted with silence as you reached out to trace Cayde’s lifeless face. Though in your eyes, there seemed to be a smug glint in his eyes. “He probably went out with a smug grin on his face, probably commenting on how ugly his opponents were.”

“It was likely.” A voice called out from behind you. “He was killed by Uldren Sov, Y/N.”

“His Ace of Spades is missing, Noble.” You frowned at you took in the rest of Cayde’s body through tears. Sundance rested next to Cayde’s head, broken and shattered, and you could practically hear Tobi mourn her.

“It’s likely that Uldren took it as a trophy.”

“Bastard.” You snarled, “And his cape?”

You felt something soft touch your arm, and you looked down to find that Noble held Cayde’s cloak to you. “He told me a while ago that he wanted to leave his stuff to you. Do you need help putting it on?”

You tried not to choke as you nodded, unfastening the cloak that Cayde had given you nearly four years ago, and laying it over his body, as if it would give his body extra warmth despite the burial cloth. Grabbing Cayde’s cloak, you fastened the first clasp to your armor and turned to that Noble could fasten the clasps behind your neck.

“I’m gathering Noble Team to hunt down Uldren, Rook. And I know that you just lost him, and that your heart still needs to heal, but we would like for you to come with us.”

“If I had a heart, it died with Cayde, Noble.” You whispered, giving Cayde’s body one last look before covering him again. “What sits in its place is Cayde’s heart, and it’s telling me to hunt that bastard down.”

With a grin, the two of you departed from the dark room. The both of you could almost feel Cayde grinning at the two of you.

“Welcome back to Noble Team, Rook.”


End file.
